Bone to Pick
by War Acolyte
Summary: Due to some unforeseen changes during the two and a half year time-skip, the shinobi world may have to deal with a very Humer-ous Kyūbi Jinchūriki. Or maybe not. He is quite lazy nowadays... (OOC!Naruto, Underswap-Papyrus!Naruto.) Warnings inside.


**Bone To Pick**

**Warning:** AU, blood and gore. An overabundance of terrible puns, jokes and just bad humor in general.

**Author's Note:** Please do not take this story seriously. I loathe that this is my first piece of work on this site, but I was harassed constantly by this dreadful idea until I wrought it down. Feel free to leave me reviews or just PM me if you have questions. This most likely will remain just a one-shot, but if I get another burst of inspiration I may write more chapters. Don't hold me to that.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto, Undertale or Underswap. They all belong to their respective owners. I do not make ANY profit from this.

* * *

"Sakura."

Her body seized, rendered immobile by the cool, detached utterance of her given name. Green eyes widened in surprise, a chill spirals down her spine and her legs instantly feels of stone. She knew that voice, how could she not. It was a bit deeper than she remembered, perhaps because it had been a couple years since she last heard it or maybe just her imagination, however; it was without a doubt the voice of her rogue teammate and the boy she still harbors deep feelings for.

The young kunoichi's eyes slowly turned upward, unperturbed by the sun's harsh glare, locking on to the shadowed figured that stood above her and her replacement teammate Sai.

"It's you Sasuke." Sakura's voice was barely above a whisper as if talking any louder would cause the Uchiha boy to disappear, and for her to wake up in a cold sweat. It was almost surreal, afterall, it's what she hoped for, however; she was overwhelmed by the moment leaving her gaping in disbelief.

Sasuke gazed at his former female teammate impassively, gauging her with an aloof expression on his face.

_He was not impressed._

In her shock, he could have easily struck her down several times over. A shinobi is supposed to steel themselves in any situation as to not be caught off guard, but here was his old teammate, mouth agape and ramrod stiff at the mere sight of him, _Useless. _But this was Sakura after all, the same girl he left pleading with him pathetically, tears streaming down her face mind you, to not leave the village all those years ago. She wasn't a threat to him then and he was positive that she wouldn't be one now. Obviously, she had not been training well enough. Some things just don't change.

There was only one individual he was interested in meeting now, albeit slightly. Seeing his inept teammate caused his mind to be filled with memories of a life he left behind for power. His face hadn't changed but he was starting to be filled with curiosity, his mind swirling with one name at the epicenter.

"I assume Kakashi and Naruto are here as well." The Uchiha's smooth voice cut through the uncomfortable silence. Clear and concise with a slight edge that subtly demanded an answer, but he didn't receive it from Sakura.

"You are partially correct." A strong male voice responded. Dark eyes fixed on pink seamlessly shifted over to the new voice that answered his inquiry. A brown-haired man appeared from the opening left of the pink-haired kunoichi.

Captain Yamato's eyes were glued on the rogue Uchiha as he walked over to his subordinate, he followed up his initial response. "Unfortunately Kakashi couldn't make it, so I'm here in his place. Team Kakashi has come to escort you back to the Leaf." The Jounin finished resolutely as he stood beside Sakura.

Sasuke stared, unimpressed with the Jounin's declaration.

"Then what of Naruto?" Sasuke calmly inquired. If he knew anything about his old rival, he would be here. There was no way Sakura would be present and not him.

Yamato hesitated. "W-Well Naruto is…"

Sasuke raised an eyebrow at the Jounin's small hitch. Strange.

"you guys couldn't wait for me to finish my dog huh? some teammates you are ya'know…" A voice drawled out from inside the opening pathway the brown-haired shinobi came from moments ago.

Sasuke's eyes snapped over to the opening. The voice had a lot more bass than he remembered and that nonchalant tone was new, but it was him alright. Who else could it be?

_**KHTAP KHTAP KHTAP KHTAP KHTAP KHTAP KHTAP KHTAP KHTAP KHTAP **_

And so he appeared. Walking languidly over to his team. One of the two shinobi who pervaded his mind the most during his training with one of the Legendary Sannin. The messy unkempt golden blond hair, the iconic whisker marks engraved on his face, the orange clothing. It was unmistakable.

_UZUMAKI NARUTO_

Sasuke's pupils focused on the orange clothed form below him, greedily drinking in his image and updating it from the last time he witnessed the Uzumaki at the Valley of The End. The blond-haired shinobi slowly strode across the clearing, steps deliberate and drawn out, making sure to drag his feet every chance he got. One hand tucked in his dark orange hoodie, a size too big, and the other holding a half eaten hot dog. Uzumaki Naruto was here and in no rush.

Along with his hoodie, Naruto wore black shorts which covered his knees, and slightly fluffy chocolate brown slippers that were no way meant for shinobi on the battlefield. As the blond finally got close to his team, Sasuke's eyes widened slightly. Naruto was tall. He grew almost exponentially, because the last time they fought Naruto was shorter than himself, and now he was the tallest one here. Naruto was a good six inches taller than the Uchiha was now, definitely six feet tall even with his minor slouch. As he continued to take in the Uzumaki's appearance there was one detail he noticed that caused his dark irises to narrow dangerously.

_Naruto's spiky hair flowed freely over his forehead...restricted by nothing._

As the young blond sauntered up to his team he paused to take a messy bite from his hot-dog, allowing grease and condiments to drip onto his already heavily stained hoodie. After savoring the taste of his greasy lunch, he swallowed and spoke, "c'mon guys you know i had ta' make sure i had some burgs or dogs ta' take with me for lun-

"Naruto."

"huh?"

Naruto looked up in surprise and immediately recoiled from the sun's brutal rays. "_**GAH! **_gosh darn sun! your beauty is too _GLARING _for me to handle, i'm too _DIM_-witted for a lady as _BRIGHT _as you ya'know!" The blond raised his voice a tad, tinged with mock irritation but not at the high volume Sasuke expected from him.

Finally adjusting his eyes, he was able to see who called him and for the first time since he arrived blue eyes met black. The connection was formed and the reunion complete.

* * *

(Scene Break)

Now Sasuke knew a thing or two about eyes, it would be strange if he didn't hailing from the legendary Uchiha clan an all. Uchiha clan members generally had perceptive and strong eyes even without activating their renowned Doujutsu, The Sharingan. The raven-haired shinobi made it a point to train his eyes just as much as his Chakra or even speed. He had to hone them, they needed to be perceptive, being able to pick up details in seconds and analyzing them just as quickly. Those precious seconds could be the difference between life and death, especially against his brother. Bottom line, he need powerful eyes.

So when the rogue Uchiha locked eyes with Naruto, he found himself realizing that of all the things that changed about his blond-haired former teammate, his eyes were what caused Sasuke to pause.

Where there once were expressive irises brimming with determination, now replacing them are half-lidded orbs filled with apathy.

_They're so DULL and...tired_

Those were the kind of eyes that belonged to individuals who had enough, enough of living, enough of life, enough of _EVERYTHING. _Though he didn't show it, Sasuke was a bit unnerved; he didn't expect such listless eyes to be fixed into Naruto's skull. There was something else the Uchiha glimpsed buried deep within his dull orbs; something that he believed the blond-haired Uzumaki shouldn't possess.

_Anguish resulting from loss. Familial loss._

* * *

_**It's not like you ever had a family in the first place…**_

_**How on earth could you possibly understand what it feels like to loss all that!**_

* * *

Words that he told Naruto a few years ago came roaring back as his mind stewed in slight confusion. This made absolutely no sense to him whatsoever; however, he knew what he saw. It was a pain he had seen in others, including himself. He just didn't expect it from his old teammate. _Is this even Naruto? This can't be a Genjutsu..._

The Uchiha was shaken out of his musings as a lopsided grin slowly stretched across the face of the person consuming his thoughts.

"well if it isn't sasu, it's been awhile hasn't it huh? how long since we last met? two years ago? three? time sure does zoom on by ya'know." Eyes closed in reminiscence, Naruto raised his free hand up to his forehead; his lanky fingers sifting through his blond locks. His right eye opened, zeroing in on the dark look manifesting on his old teammate's face.

Naruto softly chuckled, "you've been glaring at my forehead pretty menacingly sasu, and that expression on your face _heh_...well i won't grace it with a description." He continued chuckling, amused that something so trivial could ruffle the Uchiha's feathers. Then again a couple years ago the situation had been reversed. Oh the irony!

The blond quickly stuffed the rest of his lunch in his mouth; wiping his hand on the right side of his sweater, uncaringly smearing more grease and condiments on it. Like a toddler with finger paint. Eyes shifting downwards he dug his still messy hand into his pocket. His mouth semi full.

"you must be *_munch* _wondering_ *munch* *munch* _bout' _*gulp* _this thing huh?" finally obtaining the object, he pulled it out for those present to see.

Sasuke started at the right side of Naruto's chest where he rubbed his hand. The red condiment spread over in a particular area. _His left lung. The area where I impaled him. _His dark eyes then locked on to the forehead protector held carelessly in the blond's greasy hand. A scowl formed on his lips. Sasuke didn't really believe in coincidences.

"Why aren't you wearing it?" The black-haired Uchiha's annoyance was evident in his voice. This only served to make Naruto grin wider.

"same reason why you aren't sasu. cuz' i don't want to and it's quite itchy after wearing it for long." Naruto responded airily, amusement dancing in his dull gaze as he sluggishly watched Sasuke's reaction.

_Tch. _The Uchiha scoffed. Years ago the blond gave him so much flak for not wearing his forehead protector when they fought, going on some spiel about being equals and what not. The Uzumaki used to treat his protector with the utmost care and respect. But now, looking over at Naruto, watching him get carelessly smudge leftover grease on the metal...What is he playing at?

Naruto shoved the headband back into his short's pocket and shut his eyes, "anyway..." placing both hands in his sweater's pockets. He rocked forward at bit on the balls of his feet collecting his thoughts before continuing, "you seemed to have gotten a lot stronger huh sasu. training hard?" The blond giggled a bit in anticipation.

"you've probably been training a bunch with that ac-_CURSE_-d snake guy huh?" Naruto paused at the punchline, right eye opening and staring at Sasuke's blank face.

Silence. Not even a small chortle from his teammates.

_yeesh! tough crowd huh?_

The blond sighed in disappointment; that pun was perfect in his opinion. The snake Sannin gave Sasuke a curse mark, and he was a detestable person in Naruto's book! _c'mon guys throw me a bone or something_. The blond shrugged, "sorry bout' that. i forgot you have a non-existent sense of humor, but i still thought i could _WEASEL_ out a little laugh from you ya'know _nyeh' heh' heh._" Naruto laughed a little at that one. A bit personal; however, context was important in comedy.

Apparently, the rest of Team Kakashi caught on to Naruto's not so subtle pun. Sakura stared at her blonde haired teammate with some exasperation. "_Naruto you idiot! Are you trying to make Sasuke angry?" _She couldn't believe this was what Naruto was going for. The rest of the team opted to stay quiet during Sasuke and Naruto's interaction hoping that their teammate could convince the rouge Uchiha to come back to the village peaceful; after all, weren't they friends? But now...Caption Yamato sighed, _This could turn ugly…_

Sasuke's right eye twitched. He was no fool; he quickly caught on to Naruto's joke, his _slight. _So Naruto was a comedian now huh? Out here making light of his ambition as well? Sasuke wouldn't let the blond rile him up. He saw the game that Naruto was trying to play and decided it was time to get to the point.

In an instant, Sasuke appeared down in the clearing with everyone else. He was right below the precipice that he stood on. He could've easily cleared the distance between himself and the others but he decided to slow things...just a bit. He began to walk over at a moderate pace. "You like to make jokes now Naruto, but what I find really amusing is the amount of time you spend chasing after me instead of training. Wasn't it your dream to become Hokage?" Sasuke's eyes were glued to the blond's face analyzing it, he was no longer giggling at his earlier pun but watching Sasuke with a blank face, the Uchiha smirked.

Sasuke closed his eyes. _Now to hit him where it hurts. _"It's obvious that I matter so much to you; however, it's a one-way street Naruto. Your left lung can attest to that." Sasuke opened his dark eyes to look at Naruto reaction...but it wasn't what he expected.

There was no anger or hurt; instead, Naruto was absentmindedly picking his ear canal with his pinkie and began to inspect it. Feeling Sasuke's piercing stare on him, he looked up, "oh right um...i guess...but the thing is well..." _welp here it is..._

"i don't wanna be the hokage anymore."

Absolutely shock. Two pairs of eyes, one pair green and the other a matured pair of blood red Sharingan eyes stared at the blond in absolute shock.

Sasuke couldn't believe it. He didn't even realize his Doujutsu activated out of pure astonishment. This had to have been one of the blond's pranks, but then again in the past he never joked about his dream, ever. Sasuke deactivated his Sharingan and composed himself.

He stared at his old teammate, "Are you serious?"

"yup"

Sasuke stopped his advance, "Why?" he demanded.

Naruto scratched the back of his head, "well being hokage is a lot of responsibility and to achieve that would take endless hours of hard work. honestly, it's tons more work than i'm willing to put in. i'd probably be a skele-_TON _before i actually attain that goal." As he said that Naruto had his left arm in a V-shape with his palm facing skyward, his left eye winking and a grin on his face.

Silence.

Sasuke's eyes narrowed. "So you're telling me that you're giving up on your life's dream because you realized it's more work than you thought? Are you really that lazy and unmotivated?" he almost snarled out. His ambition to kill Itachi and Naruto's dream to become Hokage are goals that linked them both together. It's what drove them forward, gave them focus, pushed them to their limits. He secretly admired Naruto for that, his drive...but now...

The blond-haired Uzumaki looked from Sasuke's face to the shocked face of his other teammate, and to the slightly narrowed eyes of Captain Yamato. He looked back at Sasuke, "giving up is a strong way of phrasing it ya'know. i prefer to think of it as 'shifting priorities' i mean sides'" Naruto closed his eyes and shoved his hands in his sweater and continued in a slightly lower tone, "i'm a bit confused by y'all's reaction, i mean it's not like any of you actually believed i would have became hokage anyway." Naruto tilted his head in Sakura's direction and she slightly flinched back as if shocked. Naruto grinned at her response. "you guys thought i was some dumb kid shouting to the heavens way in over his head…"

Sakura lowered her head at Naruto's words. He was right, at least about herself. She was one of those people who thought of him like that. She saw him as a loud-mouth and didn't take him seriously. She didn't realize how much his dream to become Hokage was apart of him and how much it mattered to him. But now, he changed so much after returning from his training with Lord Jiraiya, and she didn't know how she felt about it. There are still some remnants of his old self and yet...

Sasuke just stared. He told himself he didn't care, that Naruto didn't matter to him. He spared him on a whim, nothing more nothing less and yet his mouth opened, and like a smooth stream his thoughts flowed out.

"At first that's exactly what I thought of you. But as I trained alongside you, watching you grow, becoming stronger, I felt your conviction and your strength of will. Time and time again you were triumphant against foe after foe. You kept striving forward, never backing down. And one day I found myself believing in your dream, believing in you."

The Uchiha's dark orbs were locked with Naruto's for the entirety of his mini confession and the strangest thing happened. Initially, Naruto's face was impassive and his eyes were half-lidded filled with boredom but the minute he expressed his former belief in the blond, Naruto's face exploded with emotion and his body went rigid.

It was the first time since Naruto arrived that Sasuke saw something other than indifference in his eyes. The blond's mouth was slightly parted open and his eyes were widened to the fullest. To Sasuke, Naruto looked like he saw a ghost; he was staring at him and yet it felt like he was looking right through him. In his eyes, Sasuke saw grief and sickening regret. The suffering that he glimpsed earlier was no longer buried, it was painfully apparent. The confirmation of what he witnessed early in Naruto's eyes only served to perturb the Uchiha again. The unbridled emotion displayed reminded him of the old Naruto, but he never knew his teammate to possess these specific feelings. He didn't have any family to lose. Did he?

While Sasuke brooded over the Jinchuuriki's weird reaction. Naruto was no longer at Orochimaru's hideout; his mind was elsewhere, a white expanse surrounded by snow. A different voice speaking to him.

* * *

_OF COURSE I BELIEVE IN YOU! YOU CAN DEFINITELY DO BETTER! YOU JUST HAVE TO TRY A BIT HARDER AND THEN YOU CAN BECOME AS GREAT AS I! I KNOW YOU CAN, BECAUSE WE'RE B-_

* * *

Naruto slammed his eyes shut. _not now, not in front of them. _Shaking his head and putting his hands back in his pockets, he relaxed. In the blink of an eye, his body started to decompress; the tension that paralyzed his limbs moments ago slipped away, his stance slacked and became lackadaisical again. The blond began to rock on the balls of his feet, and his lazy grin was once again present. The Uzumaki's shoulders started to shake a bit in amusement. A laugh tore itself from his throat.

_nyeh' heh' heh' heh' heh' heh' heh' heh'_

Sasuke's eyes narrowed. The raw emotion that has saw momentarily overflowing from Naruto was suppressed fairly quickly and now he was lax once more. It slightly impressed the young Uchiha, control was something the blond wasn't known for. _And what the hell is with him and this creepy nasally laugh? Where did he pick that up from?_

Naruto started to calm down from his little laughing fit and caught his breath, "_heh'_... wowie sasu that's some speech ya' got me with. _heh,_ maybe you'd be better suited to be hokage huh? didn't s'pect such charisma for you. but really now, a lot can change in two and a half years specially' people ya'know. am i not allowed to change? change my path if i don't like it? or do i have ta' be beholden to the past and the expectations of others?" Naruto broached, staring directly into Sasuke's eyes.

The Uchiha stayed silent.

Naruto sighed. He wasn't expecting an answer to that one, but still... "all right. well, here's a better question." The blond Uzumaki shut his eyes and lowered his head and at that moment, the atmosphere shifted.

A feeling of dread started to permeate the air that caused the Uchiha to raise his guard. Sasuke tensed and in seconds his hand was on his Chokuto. A bead of sweat rolled down his forehead as he glared at the cause of his abrupt 'discomfort', Naruto. A grim aura oozed out of the blond-haired shinobi and the Uchiha thought back to that strange red Chakra from their last battle; however, this feeling he got now was totally different. The feeling he got before was an overwhelming pressure that threaten to swallow him up with a hatred so unbelievable potent, it was tangible. This feeling, was not the same visceral, crushing hatred he experienced last time; instead his skin felt chilled as if frost began to cover it and his insides felt like they were ablaze; more specifically, his bones, they felt like fire was surging through them. At first Sasuke believed this was Naruto's killing intent, but after a moment he realized there was no desire to kill, no hatred, hell he didn't even feel anger and he knew well when Naruto was angry. As he tried to figure out what was afflicting him, the effect on his body started to change. It no longer felt like frost covering his skin but that of countless pinpricks of ice needles piercing through, and the rushing fire in his bones felt like magma now. His joints began to feel weighted, and soon enough it felt as if the two spectrums of extreme cold and heat were coalescing into a heavy pressure on the center of his back.

Sasuke didn't like this feeling. He felt vulnerable and exposed. Like he was being…

_Judged_

The Uchiha's eyes snapped back to Naruto as he broached his question.

_**do you wanna have…**_

Sasuke felt the invisible pressure on back increase as his sharp eyes caught the blond reaching behind his back. _A weapon? _He did his best to ignore the abominable burden he felt throughout his body and tightened his grip on his sword ready to unsheathe it at a moments notice.

_**a…**_

He tensed in anticipation.

"hot dog?"

_What? _And just like that Sasuke felt fine. His back straightened and he unknowingly released a small breath that he was holding. The pressure was gone and the grim feeling dissipated, as if it were never present.

The Uchiha blinked. Was that his imagination? It happened so abruptly. He never would've expected such a tactic from Naruto, because that was not his style. _'Was' being the key word._ Dark eyes refocused on the blond-haired figure in front of him and just as advertised, his outstretched hand held a succulent medium sized hot-dog with steam wafting from it.

_Where did he even get that from? It looks like it was just made..._Was the thought that went through the minds of everyone except the Uzumaki.

Said blond chuckled a bit. "normally i'd charge ya', but well y'know... with you being my good friend and all, how's bout' i give it to ya' on the house? and hey it's even got ketchup on it, it's a semi-sweet tomato sauce that goes great with food like this." Naruto shrugged, a lazy smile settling on his face, "and word from the grape-_VINE_ is that you're very fond of tomatoes. so whaddya say pal? for old times sake?" Giggling at his clever pun, he fully extended his arm in Sasuke's direction, eyes closed, happily offering the raven-haired Uchiha some lunch.

Sasuke blinked. His mind still reeling from what he went through moments earlier. _That ominous feeling..._ he was sure it happened, and now his idiot former teammate was offering him cheap, greasy, street vendor food? _I'm being made a fool of aren't I? _Sasuke did not expect his reunion with Naruto to turn out like this. He knew the blond was unpredictable, but this wasn't a simple change, it was a damn heel-turn. He honestly expected his old rival to barge in screaming at him about what went down during their last battle, and trying to convince him how much he should return to the village. Naruto had done none of those things; in fact, he could surmise that the blond-haired Uzumaki wasn't taking this situation seriously at all. _It's like he doesn't care... _Even the old Naruto, as foolish as he was, always made sure to convey how much he cared, especially in situations akin to this, and in actuality, he cared so intensely that it affected others around him; sometimes causing them to care as well. He wouldn't admit it but his former teammate was masterful at using empathy as a weapon. So far, this Naruto was the exact opposite, an apathetic fish-eyed jester. The raven-haired shinobi wanted to run away with that observation, but he couldn't make the assumption just yet. What could've possible happened to destroy his spirit like this? An even darker thought popped in his mind briefly. Was this the real Naruto? Was the old him just a cover up? He softly shook his head. None that mattered anymore. Sasuke wasn't here to play games; he didn't have the time for such nonsense.

_**SCHINK**_

With a flick of his wrist, and faster than the normal eye can follow, the Uchiha unsheathed his sword in the blond's direction. A small gust of wind was Naruto's only warning as the hot dog fell from his hand on to the ground before splitting into several pieces. A blue eye slowly opened to look down at his ruined offering before connecting with Sasuke's challenging black orbs as he lowered his hand away from his now _sheathed_ sword. A small frown marred the Naruto's lips.

The Uchiha on the other hand, took some satisfaction from seeing the Uzumaki finally showing annoyance and perhaps taking things seriously now. Had he aimed higher and a little more to the right, that would have been his old teammate's throat he sliced instead. And now seeing the blond's slightly narrowed eye, he must of realized how close he was to sustaining a fatal injury. This may have been his imagination again, but for a moment he could've sworn when Naruto opened his right eye, for a split second, it was pitch black as if there was no eyeball in his socket. _That heavy feeling from before..._Sasuke focused again back on the _BLUE eyed_ blond. He gotten his point across. Just like back at the Valley, Naruto living or dying was all on his whims.

The Uzumaki continued to stare at the Uchiha intensely for a few moments before closing his eye. He let out an exaggerated sigh, "y'know, there was no need to do all that sasu. ya' could've just said no and i would've been fine with that ya'know." Naruto paused stuffing both hands in his sweater pockets. That was a perfectly good dog Sasuke wasted. _and it was fresh too! _The blond was a bit miffed with his old teammate, he extended an olive branch and the Uchiha spat in his face, metaphorically of course. Some payback was in order.

The Uzumaki removed both hands from his pockets and shrugged lifting both of his hands facing upward. He smirked a little in preparation, "i mean come on sasu, didn't your old lady teach ya' not ta' waste food?" Naruto winked at the Uchiha, his left eye tittering with amusement. It was a low blow, he knew it, but Sasuke was a jerk, his left lung could attest to that. He chuckled at his usage of friend's earlier statement.

A small gasp involuntarily shot out of Sakura's mouth before her hand covered it. She couldn't believe her blond-haired teammate went there. That was a dirty hit. What happened to him wanting to bring Sasuke back, because that approach wasn't the solution. It seemed every time Naruto opened his mouth, their chances of Sasuke returning to the village peacefully became slimmer and slimmer. Yamato sighed as he rubbed the back of his head in exasperation. _Maybe it wasn't a good idea to bring him along after all. _Sai continued to stare at the Uchiha and the Uzumaki. He knew about the fate that had befallen the Uchiha clan, and thus; it was a good tactic Naruto used to get under an enemy's skin. However, was it really wise to antagonize an 'unknown' as far as they were concerned.

Sasuke slowly shut his eyes. He didn't move a single muscle save for the unexpected smirk that grew across his face. That was probably the most accurate bulls-eye Naruto had hit in his entire life, as the rogue shinobi faintly recalls a memory from his younger days. His deceased mother _ACTUALLY HAD_ berated him for asking for a second helping of lunch only for him to play around with it rendering it inedible. She then admonished him, believing that food is a blessing and warned him not to be wasteful with it ever again. Naruto took a blind swing and somehow smashed a nail he couldn't have possibly been aware of deep into the coffin that was his heart. There was no way the blond could've known about that; after all, it was just him and his mother at the time. The irony is that he used a hammer and a nail analogy to describe what Naruto did, and his favorite insult that he often used for him was 'Usuratonkachi'. Seems that his old teammate's weird sense humor rubbed off on him. The Uchiha was shaken out of his thoughts by the somewhat familiar bickering of his old team. His smirk darkened cruelly.

"Naruto! What is wrong with you?! Can you be anymore insensitive?!"

"aww c'mon sakura, i was on a role. i didn't want lose any _MOM \- _entum! sides'..." Naruto took a quick glance at Sasuke's face, pleased with the Uchiha's smirk from his top-notch joke. He turned back to Sakura, "look he's smirking. that's like a megawatt face-splitting grin from anyone else, i'll take that any day from sasu. see this is why it's really important to know your audience. sasu just prefers dark humour is all! we're cool now." The blond smirked himself, both his eyes crinkled in glee as he faced the pink-haired Chūnin.

"despite everything, deep down, sasu knows that we're still frie-_**URKH…**_

Team Kakashi jumped back away from Naruto out of shinobi reflex and were meet with a grisly image.

"_N...no this can't be..._

"_Damn it, I couldn't react in time..._

"_This shouldn't have turned out like this! Naruto..._

Those were the respective thoughts of Sakura, Sai and Team Captain Yamato as their eyes were fixed unto a worrying sight. Their blond teammate's eyes were widened in surprise as the rogue Uchiha's sword pierced straight through his chest. _His heart_ to be more specific. Naruto's mouth twisted into a small bloodied grin as the red life-liquid dribbled down his chin, slowly dripping down on the concrete. A dark silhouette peeked out from behind Naruto, a ruby red Sharingan gleaming with malicious intent, glaring at Team Kakashi.

Naruto tilted his head slightly so that Sasuke could see his face. He puffed out his bottom lip in a cute manner, which was difficult considering the blood, and batted his eyelashes flirtatiously; he began to speak in a soft, demure, feminine tone that was reserved for his 'Sexy Jutsu'. "geez sasu-kun! ya' really got a thing for roughly penetrating me huh? i know it must feel heavenly going through me, but is that anyway to treat a lady hm? at least buy me food first; ramen would be great, some donuts would be nice too. i-i'm sure ya' could meet my st-t-andards...they aren't high y-ya'know." Naruto chortled slightly in obvious pain even as he felt Sasuke's lightning Chakra begin to flare up, coursing through his body. _heh, it's seems sasu learned how to channel his chirp-chirp jutsu through his blade huh? maybe i shouldn't jest anymore. now doesn't seem like the time to make __LIGHT __of this __SHOCK-__ ing situation!_ He tried to rein it in but he couldn't help himself.

A full blown sneer with thinly-veiled disgust began to tarnish the Uchiha's face at the Uzumaki's attempt at flirting. He saw him giggle afterward, probably thinking of a ridiculous joke right about now too. Even in a predicament like this..._what a moron._ He twisted his sword, eliciting a wet cough from him as a glob of blood splattered on the ground.

"Naruto...Naruto...Naruto, you haven't changed at all have you? You still don't know how to shut that _FAT _mouth of yours. Didn't I tell you to stop speaking on things you absolutely know _NOTHING_ about?" The rogue shinobi harshly rebuked. Naruto had no right to joke about family, _HIS _family, in any circumstance. That's another difference he noticed about his old teammate; behind the Uzumaki's nonchalant and jokey demeanor was a sharp tongue that enjoyed throwing subtle slights and provocation. In Sasuke's eyes, this new Naruto now takes pleasure in verbally prodding others for his own perverted amusement, so despite his earlier rhetorical question, the Uchiha had to admit the blond-haired shinobi had changed since their last encounter.

Even impaled Naruto still chuckled, "did you now? i don't have the greatest memory and i was never a fast learner. _nyeh' heh _you know dead-last and all."

Sasuke's sneer intensified and with a sickening squelch he dislodged his sword causing more of the blond's blood to splatter on the ground in a macabre pattern. A gush of blood spilled from his mouth, and his body hitched forward as the blade was freed. Before anyone could react, the Uchiha already disappeared from his current position and was back to his original spot on the outlook over them.

Naruto took a few steps to orient himself as his hand raised to his seemingly fatal wound. He looked down at it briefly before looking up at Sasuke. "so...i guess that's it, huh?" And for the nth time today a lazy smile appeared on the blond's face as he shrugged, palms facing to the sky "welp, i'm going to ichiraku's."

Silence

Everyone watched transfixed as Naruto slowly made his way right back to the opening in which he came from, his gait identical to when he first appeared. Blood dripping on the ground and feet dragging languidly, the Uzumaki finally disappeared from sight. A moment passed before the wounded shinobi called out from the corridor.

"you have to admit sasu despite the circumstances, this meeting between us certainly has been... _MOM \- _umental! _nyeh'heh'he- __***THUD***_

The clearing was dead silent for a moment before someone spoke.

"He's a complete idiot."

Sasuke found himself giving a slight nod towards the detached voice of the other raven-haired shinobi apart of Team Kakashi. It didn't need to be verbalized, but it didn't make that statement any less true.

"NARUTO!"

Sasuke was broken out of his thoughts from the familiar, loud voice of his still annoying pink-haired teammate. He raised a dark eyebrow watching cyan-green Chakra become visible in her palms as she dashed over to her fallen teammate. _So she learned Medical Ninjutsu huh?_

Before she reached him however, something unexpected occurred. _**POOF. **_Sasuke's Sharingan glimpsed Naruto's body dispel in a cloud of smoke as a medium sized bone, specifically a femur, flew from the dark passageway into the center of the clearing.

_**CLANK-CLATTER**_

Everyone just stared at the bone, still trying to comprehend what just happened. Sasuke shook his head before closing his eyes._ Naruto, still unorthodox as always. I guess you haven't changed completely. _He focused his red eyes back to the remainders of Team Kakashi.

* * *

**EXTRA - (OMAKE)**

In an alleyway inside Konoha, a dull orange light glowed momentarily. A minute later a tall orange figure strode out. A lit cigarette held loosely between his lips as he made his way across the village. He briefly took his hands out of his pockets to slip his hood over his blond messy locks. He wasn't trying to attract any unwanted attention. His face, the perfect example of slack and unbothered, but his mind was anything but.

"_what was the old lady thinking? just cause' i was his teammate meant i had to go get him back? like the retrieval mission worked SOOOO well the first time. that guy is cuckoo in the skull! he has no issues with killing me whatsoever! but it is what it is, i'm sure the team has got it handled. __TIBIA__ honest i wasn't gonna do much anyway._

Naruto softly chuckled as he arrived in front of his destination of choice, Ichiraku Ramen. Taking one last drag of his ciggie, he plucked the butt from his lips before crushing it underfoot.

Naruto gave an over-exaggerated exhale. "that old 'bag of bones' hokage has _really_ got it out for me huh?" He shook his head before entering.

"Naruto! How's it going?"

"sup' old man. how's bout' a bowl of your finest miso ramen for your favorite customer."

Teuchi gave a hearty laugh. "Sure! Coming right up!" The ramen chef made his way to the back to fix up the blond's order.

The Uzumaki took a seat on the middle stool; he was the only customer present so it wasn't a big deal. He loved coming to this place. He enjoyed the homey atmosphere and of course the grub. Speaking of which…

"hey old man! don't forget the extra pork, i had a rough day!" He hoped Teuchi heard him over the noise of his meal preparation. His eyes narrowed slightly as someone took a seat on the stool next to him; they were positioned a little too close for comfort but he ignored them. He would move over if they proved bothersome.

The ramen chef laughed. "Don't worry Naruto I got you." The blond smiled lazily and began to settle down before he heard Teuchi's voice call out again. "Say if you mind me asking, weren't you supposed to be on a mission today? If so, you got back very quick."

Naruto raised his head to respond. An excuse was already on his tongue before a _female _voice beat him to the punch.

"I know right. He got back so fast the gate guards didn't notice him, and he and the rest of Team Kakashi didn't report to me at all. Crazy huh?"

The blond froze. Slowly, he turned his head to the person sitting next to him. His blue eyes met with the light brown eyes of the Fifth Hokage.

He cleared his throat, he'd need to tread carefully. "heya madam hokage fancy seeing you here. don't worry tho', i have a good explanation for what's going on." He hoped she was in the mood to listen.

Tsunade placed her elbow on the counter and rested her cheek on her palm; her eyes widened in mock surprise. "Ohhhhhh, so it's _Madam Hokage_ now huh? If my _AGING _memory serves correctly, moments ago you referred to me as, and I quote, that 'old bag of bones hokage' hm?" A sickly sweet smile was plastered on her face as she grasped his shoulder.

Naruto's response died in his throat. He pursed his lips and turned to the direction where Teuchi went, "hey old man! you gonna have to put the ramen on my tab." He winced a bit as the Hokage's grip tightened painfully.

The ramen chef poked his head out from the back kitchen, "Um, Naruto...you don't have a tab."

"_shit…"_

Tsunade grinned. "Don't worry brat you can get ramen later, _after _you give me that well thought out explanation of yours _IN MY OFFICE._

Naruto sighed as he pinched his nose bridge.

"_great, i'm so __BONED__."_


End file.
